there's paper in my vomit.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
