Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
