mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
