My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
