Having a random hookup so left but love u
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
