I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
