Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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