I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
