Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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