I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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