Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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