Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
