If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
