Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
