I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
