addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
