I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
did you just send me my own nude
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
