Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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