i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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