college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
