yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
