Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
