i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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