I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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