Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
