please come you make the beer taste better
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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