weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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