OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
