So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
