so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
