My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
