I wanna bring you to show and tell
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
