Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
