she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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