My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Holy sore nipples Batman
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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