Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
