It's Friday. Sex?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
