Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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