Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
