can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
