ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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