It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Two words: nipple clamps
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