using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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