You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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