yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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