The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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