rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
