you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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