I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
