The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
