Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
